I'd better hurry up and post this because I won't be jobless for long!!

If you know a PhD who is not moving forward, for whatever reason, these are the questions/statements you should avoid:

1. You can't get a job with a PhD?

Actually, no. I've been trying for 2 years. Things just aren't working out for me right now. I'm either too qualified or I don't have enough experience, or they don't get back to me at all. Funny. These are the same problems I had when searching for a job after my bachelor's degree. Some things never change. If I had gotten a job after my B.S. and worked for the last 10 years, I would probably be much further along than I am now. Hind sight is 20/20 I suppose.

The Ph.D Bust: America's Awful Market for Young Scientists—in 7 Charts

Thank you PHDCOMICS for adding a little humor to a horrific reality.

2. Can I have your office?

Yes. With the power invested in me I bequeath my office, and all the belongings therein, unto you. May you use the space wisely by advancing knowledge and inspiring undergraduates. May the window, a rare commodity among graduate student offices, bring you joy, good fortune, and inspiration.

I have no power over anything, especially room assignments. I hope you can get this office, but be warned, there is bad mojo in here.

3. I don't care if I'm flipping burgers when I graduate, I just want to be finished.

Lies.

Ignorance.

You will care. If you have spent this much time, effort, and money on your education, then you have an unspoken measure of success that you will hold yourself to. A minimum wage job that can be filled by a 16 year old will not be fulfilling. It's great to set one goal at a time (e.g. defending your dissertation), but don't expect those goals to end once you graduate. You'll always have a measure of success that you hold yourself to. Please don't belittle my experience.

4. I have so many post-doc opportunities, I don't know which one to choose!

Wow, thanks for that.

I'm happy that you aren't married, don't have kids, or any other situations that might tie you down. Fly like a bird. Conquer the world. Find Sasquatch.

I sincerely wish all my colleagues the best and I hope they succeed. I hold no ill-will toward them. I just wish their enthusiasm could be tempered by empathy for someone who does not have as many opportunities. The lack of opportunities is not due to a lack of trying. If you only knew how many post-doc employers I called, asking (begging) them to consider me and let me work long distance, then you might think twice about bragging.

5. You'll get back into academia, it might just take a few years.

I'm glad you are a dreamer! I was once idealistic and naive like you. Please, never loose that quality. Once you learn that your future is largely impacted by who you know and what you can do to advance their careers, you'll loose that innocence. So, my response to you is, "Thank you for the encouragement. You're probably right. Some things just take time. My time will come."

Unfortunately, in the sciences, once you are out of academia for a time, you rarely have the chance to get back in. I have worked as an adjunct for a year. I've been told that not having a post-doc is equivalent to the black plague in academia. My academic career is dead.

So, I'm moving on. It took some time, but I just accepted a great position working in an office with amazing people. I may not be "academic material" to some, but I'm going to make my mark on this world. I'm going to continue to work hard and eventually, I will reach my measure of success.