I'm linking blog articles about foster care here. It's basically a source of encouragement for me. Hopefully it can be encouraging for you too!
1) The Realities of Adopting from Foster Care
Adopting from Foster Care - What is it Really Like?
Here is the article on CNN
Mama Happy Bee Blog
This is exactly what I needed to read right now. Still waiting and hopeful :)
2) Foster Care is Transient in Nature
The Sovereignty of God in Foster Care
Jason Johnson Blog
This is great for those who have fostered a child, but the child has left their home. We know that God will continue to care for our little foster boy!
3) A Video Story of Foster Care
Video of Foster Care Parents
Peter and Julie Bartolini - My Story
Encouraging!
4) Reality Check - is it for us or for them?
Adoption: Giving a Family, Not Just Getting a Child
Jason Johnson Blog
I've been so tied up in my needs/wants for another child and growing our family. I need to step back and reexamine my motives for foster care and adoption. I need to reevaluate my priorities.
5) Am I a hero for becoming a foster parent? NO!
Killing the Orphan Care Hero Complex
Jason Johnson Blog
It's not about us being heros, it's about following God's plan for our lives and providing a stable home for children in need.
6) Helping Broken Families as well as Broken Children
The Other Side of Foster Care
Jason Johnson Blog
A call to action to stop the problem at its source (help families that are prone to brokenness), not just treating the effects (fostering kids that need a stable and safe environment).
7) Helping Foster/Adoptive Children and Adolescents Reconcile their Past with the Present Emotions.
Counseling Transracial Adult Adopted Persons.
This may provide some interesting activities and discussions to have with your child as they get older. Help them to explore their past in a safe and encouraging environment so that they do not go looking for answers elsewhere.
Showing posts with label Adoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Adoption. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Thursday, June 26, 2014
Three Weeks as a Foster Mom
We were in Walgreen's, shopping for birthday and anniversary cards, when we got the call. It was our second emergency placement call in less that 24 hours. We were still a little disappointed about not getting the first little boy and we were shocked when we got a second call in such a short period of time.
We were told that the child was a 14 month old little boy and that he would probably be legal risk. They didn't know anything about his situation in terms of health, development, etc. With a lot of doubt and uncertainty, we said yes.
In about an hour, the CPS case worker showed up at our house. The little boy was in shock - wide eyed and watching everyone closely. He reluctantly let me hold him, keeping his case worker in sight the entire time. As we began talking with the case worker, we found out that he was not legal risk and that he was developmentally delayed.
At that point, Shawn and I didn't know what to do. We were just put in charge of a child that would not stay in our care and that was not basic needs. Looking back, it's kind of amusing because those were the two parameters that we would not compromise on. We wanted a child that was likely adoptable and that did not require "special" care. Needless to say, you don't always get what you want, but sometimes you get what you need.
Our Foster Baby's Situation
Our sweet boy was 14 months old, yet he couldn't crawl and he could barely sit up. He was tiny - both skinny and small. In his diaper bag we found baby food and rice cereal, even though he had 12 teeth.
We went to the doctor and found out that he was in the 0.01 percentile for weight and was classified as "failure to thrive". Not only that, but he was severely behind developmentally so the doctor ordered physical therapy, occupational therapy, nutritional therapy, and speech therapy (to help with swallowing and eating). We were instructed to give him 3 bottles of Pediasure every day in addition to 3 nutritious meals. We were also told to exercise him as much as possible, which we were already doing. I labeled our exercise/play program "baby bootcamp" :).
3 Weeks with our Foster Baby
For the first week, he didn't sleep. Typically, he was up 6 times a night, but there were nights that he was awake hourly. He didn't nap either. This kid could go an entire day with only 20 minutes of light napping. He wouldn't sleep unless he had a bottle in his mouth and a blanket to cuddle with. For the first week, we had to put him to bed with a bottle of milk. Over time, we were able to switch the milk to water, but we were never able to take the bottle completely away at bed time. Of course, that terrified me, but I was learning to take one step at a time and fight the most important battles first. I began sleep training him the second week and it took many nights, but he finally started sleeping through the night with only 1-2 wake-ups. We found out during the third week that he had meth in his system when he came to us. Now we know why he had so many problems sleeping. Poor baby.
As we observed and interacted with this sweet boy, we learned that he was a least 6 months behind developmentally, if not more. He couldn't crawl and he could barely sit up - he would wobble and topple over easily. When he drank a bottle, he would contort his neck and head in a way I didn't think possible. Remember Pez dispensers? Picture that, but on a baby. Disturbing.
What 14 month old can't crawl or sit up?? Why was he eating baby food when he had 12 teeth? Why did he contort his head so far back when he had a bottle? Most likely answer: he spent a lot of time in a confined area like a crib or a car seat. (That's a nice way of saying he was neglected.)
As our time with the little one progressed, we saw vast improvements. He ate like a horse and in 3 short weeks, his cheeks and legs filled out and he developed a healthy pot belly. He was now sitting up without toppling over and he had perfected his inch worm crawl into a spring-loaded launch. He developed the ability to pull up on furniture from his belly and he even started cruising. In fact, when he left our care, he could cruise from the recliner, to the couch, and around the coffee table. With LOTS of therapy from Early Childhood Intervention, good nutrition, and hours of play, this little boy was starting to catch up.
Our baby had a court date on a Friday, about 3 weeks after he came into our home. This was when the judge would decide where he would go. Multiple family members had conducted homestudies in hopes of adopting him. In fact, he had multiple family visits every week to spend time with all the prospective families. The Thursday before, I was busy washing clothes and getting his things together because I knew that he was going to his forever home the next day. As I was doing laundry, I got a call from our CPS case worker stating that the judge had reviewed the homestudies and that our foster baby would be going home with a great family, but that I needed to pack his bags immediately because he was leaving our care in 2 hours.
There was no warning. I thought I had one last day to spend with him, when in fact, I only had hours. So, of course, I cried.
I finished laundry and packed all his things - this kid had A LOT of things! Buckners had bought him clothes, we bought him clothes, every family that visited him bought him clothes. Needless to say, this little guys was loved! Shawn and I put him in the car, we drove to daycare to pick up Kallan and then we went to United Market Street to have a small party before our sweet baby left us forever. We ate red velvet cupcakes with a rich cream cheese icing. We took lots of pictures.
Then we drove to the Department of Family and Protective Services, said our goodbyes, and drove home with one less child in tow.
The Reality of the Situation
It was difficult, more difficult than I could ever have imagined. He cried constantly if he wasn't being held or within 5 feet of an adult figure that was giving him attention. Actually, there were many times when Shawn was holding him that he cried because he wanted me. We bonded within the first couple of hours and we were inseparable thereafter. Although it was nice to be wanted - Kallan wants little to do with me these days - it was also exhausting.
I spoke with someone who completed her master's degree in early childhood development and she explained his behavior through attachment theory. The basic premise is that babies learn to meet their needs by crying. When babies cry their parents feed them, change their diaper, cuddle with them, etc. However, with babies that are neglected, they do not make those connections and therefore do not develop confidence and independence. They cry constantly because they don't know if their needs will be met or not. I'm probably not summing that up very well, but I think you get the idea.
He was a difficult baby, but we knew we were doing the right things. Over a short period of time, he was already learning to develop confidence and I could be 10 feet away instead of 5 before he would get upset :).
Our Support
I've always bragged about our support system. I don't know how or why we have so many wonderful people in our lives, but I am truly thankful. Our parents and extended family accepted the baby like he was their own. They played with him, loved on him, and gave him a little piece of their hearts. Some of our closest friends were there when we got the call and were constantly asking us how they could help. Our church friends and the nursery staff were amazing. They prayed for him and loved him. We were overwhelmed with support. I can't begin to express how much of a difference that made.
Take Away Lessons
Let me start by saying this: we never intended to be strictly foster parents. Our plan, from the beginning, was to foster a child who's parents were no longer able to care for them legally. When the parents lost their rights to the child (by not following their plan through CPS - parenting classes, staying off drugs, getting a job, etc.), then that child would become adoptable. Hopefully, we would be the family to adopt that child.
Life doesn't always follow our plans.
If I were to pick just a few words to sum-up this experience, I would use: difficult, wonderful, frustrating, exciting, and confusing - very confusing. I have experienced a myriad of emotions: anger at his family for letting him be so under developed, happy that his father loved him so much, confused about the word "love" since his father did not feed him properly or give him the freedom to play. The list goes on and I'm still trying to sort-out all of my emotions.
This experience helped us to know the reality of what we are getting ourselves into rather than the idealized version of being a foster/adoptive parent (if there is such a thing :)). We learned a lot about the system - CPS, WIC, ECI. We learned about taking care of a "high needs" and sometimes difficult child that we didn't even know.
To be honest, it was all quite scary.
But we are staying the course because we believe there is a child out there that will be the right fit for our family!
We were told that the child was a 14 month old little boy and that he would probably be legal risk. They didn't know anything about his situation in terms of health, development, etc. With a lot of doubt and uncertainty, we said yes.
In about an hour, the CPS case worker showed up at our house. The little boy was in shock - wide eyed and watching everyone closely. He reluctantly let me hold him, keeping his case worker in sight the entire time. As we began talking with the case worker, we found out that he was not legal risk and that he was developmentally delayed.
At that point, Shawn and I didn't know what to do. We were just put in charge of a child that would not stay in our care and that was not basic needs. Looking back, it's kind of amusing because those were the two parameters that we would not compromise on. We wanted a child that was likely adoptable and that did not require "special" care. Needless to say, you don't always get what you want, but sometimes you get what you need.
Our Foster Baby's Situation
Our sweet boy was 14 months old, yet he couldn't crawl and he could barely sit up. He was tiny - both skinny and small. In his diaper bag we found baby food and rice cereal, even though he had 12 teeth.
We went to the doctor and found out that he was in the 0.01 percentile for weight and was classified as "failure to thrive". Not only that, but he was severely behind developmentally so the doctor ordered physical therapy, occupational therapy, nutritional therapy, and speech therapy (to help with swallowing and eating). We were instructed to give him 3 bottles of Pediasure every day in addition to 3 nutritious meals. We were also told to exercise him as much as possible, which we were already doing. I labeled our exercise/play program "baby bootcamp" :).
3 Weeks with our Foster Baby
For the first week, he didn't sleep. Typically, he was up 6 times a night, but there were nights that he was awake hourly. He didn't nap either. This kid could go an entire day with only 20 minutes of light napping. He wouldn't sleep unless he had a bottle in his mouth and a blanket to cuddle with. For the first week, we had to put him to bed with a bottle of milk. Over time, we were able to switch the milk to water, but we were never able to take the bottle completely away at bed time. Of course, that terrified me, but I was learning to take one step at a time and fight the most important battles first. I began sleep training him the second week and it took many nights, but he finally started sleeping through the night with only 1-2 wake-ups. We found out during the third week that he had meth in his system when he came to us. Now we know why he had so many problems sleeping. Poor baby.
As we observed and interacted with this sweet boy, we learned that he was a least 6 months behind developmentally, if not more. He couldn't crawl and he could barely sit up - he would wobble and topple over easily. When he drank a bottle, he would contort his neck and head in a way I didn't think possible. Remember Pez dispensers? Picture that, but on a baby. Disturbing.
What 14 month old can't crawl or sit up?? Why was he eating baby food when he had 12 teeth? Why did he contort his head so far back when he had a bottle? Most likely answer: he spent a lot of time in a confined area like a crib or a car seat. (That's a nice way of saying he was neglected.)
As our time with the little one progressed, we saw vast improvements. He ate like a horse and in 3 short weeks, his cheeks and legs filled out and he developed a healthy pot belly. He was now sitting up without toppling over and he had perfected his inch worm crawl into a spring-loaded launch. He developed the ability to pull up on furniture from his belly and he even started cruising. In fact, when he left our care, he could cruise from the recliner, to the couch, and around the coffee table. With LOTS of therapy from Early Childhood Intervention, good nutrition, and hours of play, this little boy was starting to catch up.
Our baby had a court date on a Friday, about 3 weeks after he came into our home. This was when the judge would decide where he would go. Multiple family members had conducted homestudies in hopes of adopting him. In fact, he had multiple family visits every week to spend time with all the prospective families. The Thursday before, I was busy washing clothes and getting his things together because I knew that he was going to his forever home the next day. As I was doing laundry, I got a call from our CPS case worker stating that the judge had reviewed the homestudies and that our foster baby would be going home with a great family, but that I needed to pack his bags immediately because he was leaving our care in 2 hours.
There was no warning. I thought I had one last day to spend with him, when in fact, I only had hours. So, of course, I cried.
I finished laundry and packed all his things - this kid had A LOT of things! Buckners had bought him clothes, we bought him clothes, every family that visited him bought him clothes. Needless to say, this little guys was loved! Shawn and I put him in the car, we drove to daycare to pick up Kallan and then we went to United Market Street to have a small party before our sweet baby left us forever. We ate red velvet cupcakes with a rich cream cheese icing. We took lots of pictures.
Then we drove to the Department of Family and Protective Services, said our goodbyes, and drove home with one less child in tow.
The Reality of the Situation
It was difficult, more difficult than I could ever have imagined. He cried constantly if he wasn't being held or within 5 feet of an adult figure that was giving him attention. Actually, there were many times when Shawn was holding him that he cried because he wanted me. We bonded within the first couple of hours and we were inseparable thereafter. Although it was nice to be wanted - Kallan wants little to do with me these days - it was also exhausting.
I spoke with someone who completed her master's degree in early childhood development and she explained his behavior through attachment theory. The basic premise is that babies learn to meet their needs by crying. When babies cry their parents feed them, change their diaper, cuddle with them, etc. However, with babies that are neglected, they do not make those connections and therefore do not develop confidence and independence. They cry constantly because they don't know if their needs will be met or not. I'm probably not summing that up very well, but I think you get the idea.
He was a difficult baby, but we knew we were doing the right things. Over a short period of time, he was already learning to develop confidence and I could be 10 feet away instead of 5 before he would get upset :).
Our Support
I've always bragged about our support system. I don't know how or why we have so many wonderful people in our lives, but I am truly thankful. Our parents and extended family accepted the baby like he was their own. They played with him, loved on him, and gave him a little piece of their hearts. Some of our closest friends were there when we got the call and were constantly asking us how they could help. Our church friends and the nursery staff were amazing. They prayed for him and loved him. We were overwhelmed with support. I can't begin to express how much of a difference that made.
Take Away Lessons
Let me start by saying this: we never intended to be strictly foster parents. Our plan, from the beginning, was to foster a child who's parents were no longer able to care for them legally. When the parents lost their rights to the child (by not following their plan through CPS - parenting classes, staying off drugs, getting a job, etc.), then that child would become adoptable. Hopefully, we would be the family to adopt that child.
Life doesn't always follow our plans.
If I were to pick just a few words to sum-up this experience, I would use: difficult, wonderful, frustrating, exciting, and confusing - very confusing. I have experienced a myriad of emotions: anger at his family for letting him be so under developed, happy that his father loved him so much, confused about the word "love" since his father did not feed him properly or give him the freedom to play. The list goes on and I'm still trying to sort-out all of my emotions.
This experience helped us to know the reality of what we are getting ourselves into rather than the idealized version of being a foster/adoptive parent (if there is such a thing :)). We learned a lot about the system - CPS, WIC, ECI. We learned about taking care of a "high needs" and sometimes difficult child that we didn't even know.
To be honest, it was all quite scary.
But we are staying the course because we believe there is a child out there that will be the right fit for our family!
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
The Call
Tonight we got the call.
Buckner's called to tell us that CPS was looking for an emergency placement of a child that would most likely be legal risk. After considering the offer for 10 minutes, we said yes. Then we waited.
The Process
The process, as I understand it, is complicated. (The government complicated? I know you're shocked.) What happens is CPS sends out a notification to all agencies in a region when a child becomes available for foster care. Each agency chooses a family whose parameters fit the child, and then they send the family's homestudy (similar to a family profile) to CPS. From the profiles submitted, CPS chooses who they think will be the best fit. I would describe it as a bidding war. Each agency bids a family and CPS chooses.
Legal Risk
In the world of foster care and adoption, there are many levels. Some families only want adoptable kids, either domestic or international. Some families are dedicated to fostering children with the intent of sending the child home to their parents, after the parent's get their lives back together. Other families exist somewhere between these two extremes. For example, we want to foster a child with the intention to adopt. Since we have a small child already, we are only considering children that have a strong likelihood of becoming adoptable in the near future. It just makes sense for our family at this time. "Legal risk" children have parents who are unlikely to complete the requirements of the state. In foster care lingo, it's called "working the plan". If the parents do not work the plan within 1 to 1.5 years, then the parent's rights to the child are terminated and the child becomes adoptable.
Back to the Story
This particular child is an emergency placement. He left his family today and is being placed in a foster home tonight. Although he is not legal risk at this time, it is likely that he will be in the future. Buckner's had chosen us as their "bid" and called to see if we would be willing to take this child. My husband and I discussed the matter for 10 minutes. We prayed. And we said yes.
Buckner's put our name in the hat.
Needless to say, I was freaking out for about 2 hours. It all happened so fast. We got our license last week and now we were being called about a child?? To be honest, I didn't know what to think, so I decided to act. I quickly picked up the house, vacuumed, assigned chores to Shawn, and then paced. I paced A LOT. The constant activity and worry made me sweat. I was a sweaty, stressed-out mess for about two hours. :)
We got a call back from Buckner's saying that CPS chose a family in a neighboring town.
Logically, I can tell myself that it wasn't meant to be, but it's still sad.
It's surprising how quickly you can make major life decisions when you're under pressure. We had already decided how to arrange the car seats, what to do about child care, and how to handle our vacation plans this month. We were even referring to the boys as "the twins" (this child was only a month younger than our son). But, all those plans came crashing down as soon as we got our last call of the evening.
It was emotional, but nothing compared to what that little boy is going through right now. I wish the best for him and his future forever family.
Our child is still out there.
Buckner's called to tell us that CPS was looking for an emergency placement of a child that would most likely be legal risk. After considering the offer for 10 minutes, we said yes. Then we waited.
The Process
The process, as I understand it, is complicated. (The government complicated? I know you're shocked.) What happens is CPS sends out a notification to all agencies in a region when a child becomes available for foster care. Each agency chooses a family whose parameters fit the child, and then they send the family's homestudy (similar to a family profile) to CPS. From the profiles submitted, CPS chooses who they think will be the best fit. I would describe it as a bidding war. Each agency bids a family and CPS chooses.
Legal Risk
In the world of foster care and adoption, there are many levels. Some families only want adoptable kids, either domestic or international. Some families are dedicated to fostering children with the intent of sending the child home to their parents, after the parent's get their lives back together. Other families exist somewhere between these two extremes. For example, we want to foster a child with the intention to adopt. Since we have a small child already, we are only considering children that have a strong likelihood of becoming adoptable in the near future. It just makes sense for our family at this time. "Legal risk" children have parents who are unlikely to complete the requirements of the state. In foster care lingo, it's called "working the plan". If the parents do not work the plan within 1 to 1.5 years, then the parent's rights to the child are terminated and the child becomes adoptable.
Back to the Story
This particular child is an emergency placement. He left his family today and is being placed in a foster home tonight. Although he is not legal risk at this time, it is likely that he will be in the future. Buckner's had chosen us as their "bid" and called to see if we would be willing to take this child. My husband and I discussed the matter for 10 minutes. We prayed. And we said yes.
Buckner's put our name in the hat.
Needless to say, I was freaking out for about 2 hours. It all happened so fast. We got our license last week and now we were being called about a child?? To be honest, I didn't know what to think, so I decided to act. I quickly picked up the house, vacuumed, assigned chores to Shawn, and then paced. I paced A LOT. The constant activity and worry made me sweat. I was a sweaty, stressed-out mess for about two hours. :)
We got a call back from Buckner's saying that CPS chose a family in a neighboring town.
Logically, I can tell myself that it wasn't meant to be, but it's still sad.
It's surprising how quickly you can make major life decisions when you're under pressure. We had already decided how to arrange the car seats, what to do about child care, and how to handle our vacation plans this month. We were even referring to the boys as "the twins" (this child was only a month younger than our son). But, all those plans came crashing down as soon as we got our last call of the evening.
It was emotional, but nothing compared to what that little boy is going through right now. I wish the best for him and his future forever family.
Our child is still out there.
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Waiting...
After four months of filling out forms, taking classes, getting home inspections, getting approval from our doctors, being fingerprinted by the FBI, and filling out even more forms, we are finally licensed to foster a child under the age of 4. It was a long and sometimes tedious road, but now the truly hard part of this journey begins. Waiting.
The Decision
We made the decision to adopt last December (2013). We had been talking about it for years, and started seriously looking into it last summer, but the decision to stop trying for a biological child and start focusing on an adoptive child began about five months ago.
It's amazing how much has changed in such a short period of time. Our house has been reconfigured for the new arrival. We have a new room full of bright colors, fun toys, and a few critters. We are working towards solutions for balancing work and child care. Every night we pray for our two children, knowing that we have yet to meet the second. And, most decisions I make are based on a family of four instead of a family of three.
Preparing
Part of our preparation process was to identify what type of child we were able to care for. This includes physical and mental abilities as well as age, race, gender, and any drugs the child was exposed to while in utero. Due to our family's inability to care for a child with severe mental or physical problems, we are requesting a "basic needs" child.
Our biggest concern is drug exposure. Our case worker and home developer have told us that the vast majority of children who come through the foster-care system have been exposed to some kind of drug - legal or illegal - and that different drugs have different effects. For example, babies who were exposed to alcohol seem to have cognitive and behavioral issues, whereas those who were exposed to cocaine and meth are more likely to have behavioral issues without cognitive problems. (This is based on preliminary reading. I'm researching this topic and will post on it later.)
Waiting
Every night, Shawn and I pray for this child. We pray that he's warm, that she doesn't feel alone or scared, and that he's safe. At this point, all we can do is pray. And wait.
The plans have been made. Everything is set up. Now we are ready. Well, ready logistically. I don't think our hearts have any idea what they are in store for.
The Decision
We made the decision to adopt last December (2013). We had been talking about it for years, and started seriously looking into it last summer, but the decision to stop trying for a biological child and start focusing on an adoptive child began about five months ago.
It's amazing how much has changed in such a short period of time. Our house has been reconfigured for the new arrival. We have a new room full of bright colors, fun toys, and a few critters. We are working towards solutions for balancing work and child care. Every night we pray for our two children, knowing that we have yet to meet the second. And, most decisions I make are based on a family of four instead of a family of three.
Preparing
Part of our preparation process was to identify what type of child we were able to care for. This includes physical and mental abilities as well as age, race, gender, and any drugs the child was exposed to while in utero. Due to our family's inability to care for a child with severe mental or physical problems, we are requesting a "basic needs" child.
Our biggest concern is drug exposure. Our case worker and home developer have told us that the vast majority of children who come through the foster-care system have been exposed to some kind of drug - legal or illegal - and that different drugs have different effects. For example, babies who were exposed to alcohol seem to have cognitive and behavioral issues, whereas those who were exposed to cocaine and meth are more likely to have behavioral issues without cognitive problems. (This is based on preliminary reading. I'm researching this topic and will post on it later.)
Waiting
Every night, Shawn and I pray for this child. We pray that he's warm, that she doesn't feel alone or scared, and that he's safe. At this point, all we can do is pray. And wait.
The plans have been made. Everything is set up. Now we are ready. Well, ready logistically. I don't think our hearts have any idea what they are in store for.
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
Expectations of Expecting
 |
| Sweetest Kid Ever!!! |
We have one son. His name is Kallan. Although he is a little too spirited at times, and his will is proving to be stronger than mine (which I didn't think possible), I love him more than I can verbally express. He is the bean in my burrito, the pecan in my sandie, and I couldn't imagine life without him. (Notice how both my love references revolve around food - ha!)
The unconditional love you feel as a parent is astounding. Before being initiated into parenthood, this love is anticipated, even expected, but it is something that has to be experienced to be fully appreciated. Our unconditional love for K has led us to the decision to have another child.
We are expecting!!!!
As you can imagine, I'm ecstatic. I'm nesting - designing a room full of bright colors and fun toys, planning for child care, and wondering how Kallan is going to react to being a big brother and having to share Mamma. I feel joy and peace about being a mom to another bright-eyed little boy or girl. The waiting and anticipation is hard, but it will all be worth it when we bring another Strovas home!
As much as I would love to give you a due date, I can't. We are adopting.
We are not adopting in the traditional sense of the word; we will be fostering a child with the intention of adoption. As you can imagine, this has the potential to produce immense joy, incredible heartbreak, or an emotional roller coaster of both. Just like traditional adoption, the foster-to-adopt program does not guarantee you a child. Under Texas law, we could foster a child for up to 18 months before being given the option to adopt.
With adoption comes other conditions that you cannot control, for example, the state of the mother during pregnancy or the treatment of the child after birth. We may get a baby that is perfectly healthy with no signs of withdraw, abuse or neglect, or we may not. The uncertainty of adoption is unsettling, but we are trusting that God has the right child for us.
Even though the risk is high, so is the payoff - for us as well as the child. Below I have summed-up our reasoning for adoption.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Why Adopt?
1. We want to extend our family of three to a family of four.
After all, three is a weird, uneven number. Someone always has to ride the roller coaster alone; there is an empty, expectant seat at the restaurant table. We really don't want to deal with these inconveniences for the rest of our lives, so it's only logical to have another child. ;)
2. We want to give a good home to a child who would otherwise grow up in the foster-care system.
I'm not stating that the foster-care system is bad, in fact, it's quite the opposite. It is designed so that children without a good support system can experience a life as close to "normal" as possible in an environment where they are loved, supported, and encouraged. Granted, this is the idealistic premise of the system, and some foster-care families may not live up to this standard, but most do.
Throughout the last couple of months we've had the honor of meeting a few of Buckner's foster-care families and they are amazing! Giving a good home to children whose parents' are working on getting their lives back together is an admirable calling, and these families put their hearts on the line to help out children in need. Foster-care families are doing a great service for our communities by taking care of these innocent children.Foster-care is designed to be temporary, not permanent. This is where Shawn and I come in. We can offer a good home to children whose parents are not able to get their lives back together, and therefore cannot lawfully take care of their children.
3. I've always felt that adoption would be in my future, and Shawn was open to the possibility.
It's funny the things people remember. When I told my brother and my best friends that Shawn and I were going through the process to adopt, they weren't that surprised. They remembered me talking about adoption, even as far back as high school. I always had a feeling that adoption would be in my future, but I didn't realize those closest to me knew it too.
Shawn and I have talked about adoption from the very beginning. We both wanted a biological child, but were open to the possibility of adoption. I wouldn't say that it was an automatic decision to adopt child #2, in fact, we were trying for a few months to have another biologically. But, after a lot of soul searching and praying, we felt that God was drawing us toward adoption. We know that LOVE makes a family and that we could be blessed by a child that was not of my womb.
4. God adopted us.
Now let me start with the fact that I did not come up with this realization on my own. I was reading the websites of various adoption centers in Lubbock and came across Buckner's philosophy on adoption. It's a beautiful picture of us coming into the family of a loving father. If you'd like to learn more about this philosophy, read Buckner's devotional guide.
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Some people find it odd that we would choose to adopt a child when we can have children of our own. To be honest, before we started this process I assumed that most people who adopted had unresolved infertility issues. However, that is not the case. There are thousands of families just like ours that are choosing not to have additional children biologically, but to extend their family by adopting children who become wards of the state. In fact, we just went through two months of training with four families who actively decided to adopt through foster-care and had no issues with infertility. Three of those families had biological children.
At this time, we feel like adoption is the best option for extending our family. Even though this process will be difficult, I know that we will be blessed beyond measure by the child who comes into our home. He/she will change our lives forever, just as Kallan has.
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